Philōs (φιλος) expresses fondness in the sense of affection or attachment, which relates to the soul. It is one of four Greek words used to describe the feelings and connections towards others. Three of these words are used in Scripture. Agapē (ἀγάπη), which emphasizes a self-sacrificing type of love (1 John 4:8); although, from a human perspective, it is a willingness to sacrifice to fulfill a desire. φιλέω (John 11:3), denoting fondness or friendliness. στοργή relates to a family relationship (Romans 12:10). ἔρως signifies a sensual or erotic attraction and is not used in Scripture.
The root of φιλος, φιλ-, conveys affection in a friendly manner. When used as a verb, φιλέω expresses fondness in action. As a noun, φιλία depicts friendship. When prefixed to other words, it maintains its fond attachment, denoting a friendship type of connection. φιλαδελφία expresses a friendship towards another person, whereas φιλοσοφία communicates a fondness for wisdom. When the fondness of man (φιλανθρωπία) from our God appeared, it was because of His kindness. This same word is used to denote the manner of the natives on Malta to those who were shipwrecked with Paul (Acts 28:2) and Julias’ treatment of Paul (Acts 27:3). φίλαυτος conveys a fondness for oneself and is a characteristic of men in these last days (2 Timothy 3:2). They are fond of money (φιλάργυρος), fond of themselves (φίλαυτος), and fond of pleasure (φίλημα), but not fond of God (φιλόθεος), 2 Timothy 3:4. In Titus 1:8, Paul states that a Bishop is to be fond of doing things that are beneficial (φιλάγαθος). φιλάργυρος and φιλαργυρία express a fondness for money (2 Timothy 3:2; Luke 16:14). A fondness that is a root of doing things wrong (1 Timothy 6:10). In Titus 2:4, Paul encourages women to be fond of their husbands (φιλάνδρους) and children (φιλότεκνος). Fondness is even used regarding the manner of a kiss (φίλημα), Luke 7:45; 22:48; Romans 16:16; 1 Corinthians 16:20; 2 Corinthians 13:12; 1 Thessalonians 5:26; 1 Peter 5:14. Fondness can even be used relating to disputing. The disciples had a fondness for disputing (φιλονεικία) over who among them would be the greatest, Luke 22:24. In Corinth, concerning women wearing head coverings, Paul states that if anyone is fond of disputing (φιλόνεικος) about it, the Church has no such custom, 1 Corinthians 11:14.
Fondness has a wide variety of uses, alone and in composition, pertaining to both humans and things. It denotes an affection based upon emotions. It is a mindset and action that seeks a reciprocal response or a sense of gratification.
“I agapē (ἀγαπάω)” relates to a type of love that is not based upon emotional gratification. It involves seeking the best for the one loved. Even under the Mosaic law, this aspect of love was to be shown towards a neighbor, Matthew 5:43. Agapē is not an action that requires reciprocation (Matthew 5:46).
When God chose to give Jacob the birthright of Esau in fulfillment of the promise to Abraham, He expressed agapē (ἀγαπάω; Romans 9:11), while He showed indifference towards Esau. Since indifference is shown to Esau in contrast to love towards Jacob, we gain additional insight into ἀγαπάω. ἀγαπάω is in contrast to indifference (μισέω), which defines agapē as a love that seeks the best for another. Phelōs (φιλος), on the other hand, stands in opposition to hostility (ἔχθρα), James 4:4.
From a human perspective, agapē (ἀγάπη) is a characteristic that involves being willing to sacrifice for something a person desires. Just as the Pharisees loved (ἀγαπάω) the best seats in the synagogues and greetings in the marketplace, this human trait is seen today within the Church, where men desire to be acclaimed for their abbreviations behind their names while being indifferent to those they use or harm to gain them. When a man agapēs (ἀγάπη) the things of the world, he is willing to sacrifice for them while being indifferent to those around him. This type of love is not emotionally based; it is driven by a strong desire to possess something, whether a physical object, a position, or praise from others.
φιλος is a characteristic of human fondness that is emotionally based, and a friendly disposition from God. In contrast to phelōs, a person is hostile. This type of love may seek emotional gratification or relate to an affectionate attachment.
Agapē (ἀγάπη) from God’s perspective seeks the best for the one it is directed at. When God expressed love toward the world, He gave us the best gift: a savior (John 3:16). This aspect of God’s character is not present in human nature. However, because the believer who is in Christ possesses the Holy Spirit, he is able to use this type of love toward other believers when he walks by the Spirit and thus is filled up where he lacks (Galatians 5:22–23, 25; Ephesians 5:18).